Reality.

This is Reality.

Below is what happens when you give into those daily marketing e-mails mentioned here.

You buy a 50+ pound mirror, open the box with incredible excitement, and find out that there isn't enough Styrofoam, bubble wrap, and masking tape in the world to heal your shattered dreams.

Dang it guys.

 

Maybe the broken glass adds to the aging....? Meh.

 

 

 

Champagne Taste/Beer Budget.

I would like to start off by saying, props to Ann Taylor Loft, Groupon, JCrew, and Free People for annoyingly e-mailing me every single day with huge sales, new shipments, and pretty graphics, but enticing me just enough to where I never follow through with checking the unsubscribe box. You are the only stores that have stood the test of time in my inbox, and unfortunately (for me), I don't see us parting ways anytime soon.

I wake up every morning at 7:00AM with 15+ unread e-mails all from places I didn't even know I subscribed to in the first place, and it never fails that from 7:00AM-7:29AM I lie in bed casually browsing each store's email until I realize that it is now 7:30 and I am going to be late for work unless I skip drying my hair with a hairdryer and just leave the windows rolled down in my car on my way to work and hope that does the trick.
Does this happen to anyone else?

Well gosh darn it, somehow I stumbled upon a home furnishing and décor blog that has flipped my life upside down . As it turns out, furniture it a lot more expensive than clothes (who knew?), so little does this company know that e-mailing me every.single.day with their chic sofas and patterned rugs, is causing the same sensation as dangling an apple in front of a donkey.

Joss & Main- I love you, but I can't have you. I want you, but you're so bad for me. You are a quick fix that feels so good at the time, but tomorrow I will wake up with a spending hangover. You show me things I never even knew existed. And in the morning, they'll be gone.

(But really, the items for sale are only available for 2-3 days and then they disappear.)

 Joss & Main even let you know when an item is in another member's shopping cart which brings out the wild animal instinct inside of you and turns this window-shopping experience into a full-blown competition. Only the rich and fashionable can survive.

To get Joss & Main off my chest, I would like to show you how cute my home would be if I wasn't recent college graduate, with a pay check that proves I haven't been in the real-world long enough, and living in a tiny apartment that wouldn't even allow half of this furniture to fit inside the doorway.

Can everyone please feel what I want you to feel: Can you all just please be envious of my make-believe home? I spent hours decorating and making every room nothing short of perfect. Thanks.

Okay, so I caved and bought this one for my room. ^^ You can only hold the apple infront of the donkey for so long.

Flight Attendants, Please Prepare for Misery.

I had to let a week pass by before I could let my mind wander back to the day I spread some Christmas cheer tears.

It was Saturday, December 21st, and I left for the airport at 8:00AM in hopes to land in Louisville, Kentucky later that afternoon. I was so excited to have a few days off of work, and relax with my mom, dad, sister, and the kiddos before Santa arrived. I packed up all their toys in a large suitcase and made it through security without a hitch. BUT, let me just list all the things that went downhill from there. When I say things went downhill- I mean rock-bottom, fifty feet of crap, then me.

1. It was pouring rain in Dallas that morning. While trying to find the airport on my GPS and steering my jeep through flooding highways, I almost hydroplaned into an 18-wheeler.
2. My near accident scarred me. I was afraid to take my eyes off the road for too long, which in turn led me to miss the exit for extended parking. I was now stuck paying for $20 per day parking at DFW... for 9 days.
3. My flight out of Dallas was delayed, which made my turnaround in Houston a little nerve-racking. Now, I only had 30 minutes to switch planes.
4. The flight to Houston was a teeny tiny plane. Two seats on the right, one seat on the left. Because of the storm and the size of the plane, the entire 45 minutes flight resulted in awful turbulence. The kid next to me threw up three times.
5. At one point, the plane dipped so fast and so far that every passenger screamed. I don't think I have ever prayed so long in my life, or needed a sports bra so badly.
6. As we prepared for landing, I was thanking the Lord that I could see the ground 100 feet below me. All of a sudden, the plane lifted off the runway and back up into the air. The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "Well, looks like we missed our landing. I think we are circling around and trying again." The pilot had lost all communication with the runway.
7. Another 15 minutes of turbulence.
8. We tried to land again but by that time, the weather in Houston had made it impossible. The flight attendant came on the intercom again and said, "Well, I don't know where we are going. I think we are going to try and land in Austin."
9. 30 minutes later, we are on a cement block in Beaumont, Texas.
10. We stayed on our cement block in Beaumont, Texas in our teeny tiny airplane for almost 4 hours.
11. Mind you- our plane was not prepared for this. For 4 hours we had no food and no water.
12. The kid in front of me pulled out a violin from his carry on because there was nothing else to do but play music for the miserable. I was literally on the Titanic.
13. We finally made it back in Houston, and I have long since missed my connecting flight to Louisville. I run to my gate, cry to the airline representative explaining how I thought I was going to die 4 hours ago, and he put me on the flight to Louisville leaving at 8PM. For the first time that day, I was able to stand in line at Whataburger for food. Finally- a silver lining!
14. I ordered a Honey BBQ Chicken Strip Sandwich. Whataburger completely left off the Honey BBQ sauce. My sandwich was only chicken and cheese.
15. At 7:30 PM I was standing in line to board my plane and end this terrible traveling experience when I looked up at the flight screen. LOUISVILLE FLIGHT CANCELED.
16. I immediately ran to customer service whose line looked like this:
    
17. Two hours later, I was still in line. The next flight out of Houston to Louisville wouldn't happen until December 23rd. Yeah, NO THANKS!
18. Fortunately, my dad could rearrange my flight on the phone while I stood in line. Unfortunately, I had to be put on a different airline entirely- flying from Houston, to Charlotte, North Carolina, then Louisville.
19. My parents also called in a hotel room via phone and said a shuttle would be there to pick me up in 10 minutes.
20. 1 hour later.... no shuttle.
21. I called a taxi. Three strange men jumped inside the taxi with me.
22. It was 11 o'clock at night, in Houston, and I was by myself with 3 strange men in the back of a taxi. I started crying. I had hit my low point.
23. I finally got to my hotel, crawled in bed, and set my alarm to go back to the airport to start this whole thing over again.
24. On top of all this- I missed my chance to see the kids for a few days. I wouldn't see them until the night of the 24th. Steph told me that Cassidy cried when she found out she wouldn't be seeing me until 3 days later.
25. The next day, my first flight was delayed.
26. According to my flight itinerary, I now had 5 minutes to make my connecting flight.
27. Once we landed in Charlotte, I ran through three different terminals to find the one heading to Louisville.
28. They called my boarding group number. I am standing in line. I scan my boarding pass.
29. A warning sign pops up and a beeping goes off.
30. The representative informs me that I am not on this flight.
31. I think I am experiencing my first panic attack.
32. The representative said that when there is less than 30 minutes between flights, American Airlines immediately bumps you to the next flight, assuming you will miss your connection.
33. I tell the lady, "Listen, I will sit in the bathroom. I'm here. I am making this flight!"
34. I get on the flight and I wait. And I wait some more. The pilot is in no hurry to take off.
35. And finally, by 8:00 in the evening on December 22nd, I land in Louisville, Kentucky.

But really y'all, who forgets the Honey BBQ from a Honey BBQ Chicken Sandwich?!